"Two Zen Tuesday"

(34)

“Trust Your Zen”

(Published previously on Rusty’s Blog, Aug 28, 2015. 

Extensively reedited.)

“Trust yourself,” my zen said to me.

“Huh?” I answered.

(For I don’t always catch

What my zen says

The first time around.)

“Trust yourself,” my zen repeated.

“Everything you need 

Is right inside you

This very minute.”

“Everything?” I answered. 

“That sounds like a lot.

Are you sure?”

(You see, I was afraid of trusting 

Just myself alone.

For whom would I blame

If I failed?)

“Trust yourself,” 

My zen repeated

With some exasperation.

“I’d rather trust you,” 

I answered.

“Same thing, dummy,” 

Replied my zen.

(35A)

“Zen and Anger and the Lost Wristwatch” 

I remember my first wristwatch.

It was given to me by my father

For doing well in school.

I was probably eight or nine.

I couldn’t have been any older,

Because I stopped doing well at school

The year my mother died.

And she died when I was ten.

It was a bit Mickey Mouse,

That wristwatch.

But it told good time.

Until I lost it.

I took it off in the restroom at school

To wash my hands

And accidentally left it on the sink.

Realizing a moment later,

When I returned to the sink…

It was gone!

It saddened me to think

A fellow schoolmate

Would take it.

It angered my father 

That I lost something valuable.

He said I should learn 

To look after my things better.

“Maybe this’ll teach you,” he added.

But I couldn’t see it his way,

And felt no remorse for the loss.

After all, I didn’t do it on purpose.

My dad remained angry, though,

Which hurt my little heart.

You see, I wasn’t old enough

To understand that his anger

Wasn’t about me 

Or some stupid wristwatch.

It was about the death of my mother,

And the regrets my father bore

Deep in his heart.

He was angry with himself.

That’s why I get angry, usually.

I’m angry at myself.

Perhaps, sometimes, you are the same?

After all, nobody’s perfect!

Listen to me, please.

I think this is important.

Anger is a waste of good zen!

Which even though free and everywhere,

(As I’ve said many times)

Mustn’t be wasted.

And who gives a crap,

If you’ll pardon the expression,

About material things?

My zen reminds me every day;

‘The yearning for possessions

Can only lead to unhappiness.’

Ah, my zen!

Thank you for your loving wisdom!

Thank you for your humanity!

And thank you for helping me 

See a way

To avoid going crazy

In a world

I cannot control…

But must not fear.

Hmmmm,

That last couple of paragraphs

Sounded pretty wise.

Looks like dad was right, after all.

I did learn something.

Ha! Ha! 

I wonder whatever happened 

To that Mickey Mouse watch?

It’s probably somewhere now, 

Still telling the time,

Quietly ticking.

Ticking away the time…

Zen!