My Uneasy Relationship With The Gods (Part Two)

After that, my dad took up 

Drinking pretty seriously.

Which was a surprise because

Until then, I’d never seen him touch a drop.

But he took to it like a fish to water,

If you’ll pardon the expression,

And it changed him 

Into a different person.

One who wasn’t so nice.

Sometimes, getting home drunk,

He’d rage about the house

And scream terrible threats at me for being

The rotten little scumbag sumbitch etc

Who drove my mother 

To an early death,

And robbed him, HIM!!!

Of his only happiness!

Then he’d curse up a storm

And stagger around the house breaking things.

That’s when I’d lock myself in my room

And wait for Dad to pass out.

Don’t worry. 

He passed out every time.

Funny, even though I was just a kid,

I didn’t really believe my Dad

When he said those things.

I knew it wasn’t him talking.

It was his pain speaking.

But the problem was

My Dad believed it 

When, in his drunken rages,

He called me a scumbag sumbitch etc

Who was entirely to blame 

For my mother’s death,

Robbing him, him, etc, etc.

So sometimes he really scared me.

Then it happened again.

My dad came home 

Drunk and storming!

I woke up afraid and locked my bedroom door,

But he must have gone crazy!

He broke down the door

And walloped me good a few times. 

I hurt my arm when he threw me

To the floor… and I passed out.

The neighbors must have called the cops

Because the cops got there 

About the same time as the ambulance men.

This time the ambulance men 

Took my dad away,

Straightjacketed and lashed

 To a chrome-plated gurney.

He was crying hysterically

And pleading to be set free

As they rolled him 

Toward the ambulance.

“Son! Son!” he called.

“I’m sorry!

Say you’ll forgive me, 

Please!”

I forgive you, father.

With all my heart.

Do you find it funny,

Ye gods above or below?

Did it give you a moment’s amusement,

You pitiless self-satisfied cannibal bastards,

To turn a gentle, kindly man 

Into a raging beast?

Fuck You!

After the ambulance men

Looked at my arm and my bruises

And said I’d be okay,

I went home with one of the cops.

I heard him say to another cop,

“Aw hell! The kid’s got nowhere to go.

I’ll take him home tonight

And see he gets to court tomorrow.”

“Okay, Joe,” said the other cop.

“God, how I hate these domestic calls.

Well, see you tomorrow.”

"Goodnight, sir,” answered Joe.

On the way to Joe’s house we stopped

At an all-night 7-Eleven 

And he bought me a new T-shirt.

Then we went for a burger and fries.

Boy! Was I hungry!

Joe ordered me a second cheeseburger

And when I said don’t forget the fries

He laughed and asked me where I put it all!

Joe was a nice cop,

With kind eyes 

And a ready smile.

His wife was nice too.

She cleaned me up 

And tucked me in,

Just like a real mother would.

They didn’t have any children

Of their own yet, she explained.

“We’ve been trying to have a baby…

But none has come along.”

She smiled sadly and added,

“It must be god’s will.”

Then she kissed my forehead 

And reminded me 

To say my prayers

Before I went to sleep.

“Okay,” I promised.

And I tried to pray, really I did,

But I couldn’t think of 

Anything to say to god.

A god who stole a wife and mother,

Sent drink to take a father,

Cruelly denied children

To a loving couple,

And laughed 

At the torment 

Of a little boy?

Pray to you?

Do you hear me,

 Ye gods above or below?

You pitiless self-satisfied cannibal bastards!

This is Rusty Pliers speaking!

Fuck You! 

“Seven Summer Zens”

(1)

I Delight in My Zen!  

I delight in my zen!

Without it, 

Where would I be?

It’s hard to imagine.

(2)

Don’t Forget Your Zen

I met my zen as I came home from a meeting.

“No need to tell me how it went,” said my zen.

“I can tell by the look on your face.”

It hadn’t gone very well.

Nothing was achieved.

Time was wasted.

Tempers flared.

A terrible meeting.

No wonder.

I’d left my zen at home.

What a fool I can be!

I should have taken it with me.

(3)

Laughing Zen is Strong Zen

Sometimes my zen likes to play a little trick on me.

It lets me believe that I’m clever,

Or kind, 

Or faithful,

Or…

Otherwise better than I am.

Then it shows me how wrong I can be.

“Ha! Ha!” it laughs at my silly self-importance. 

“You’re funny.”

Reminding me 

That I ain’t so important, 

And that life is crazy.

So why take it seriously?

It has a good sense of humor,

My zen does,

And it loves to laugh!

Sometimes with me.

Sometimes at me.

So what?

Let it laugh.

Laughing zen is strong zen.

(4)

Zen and Writing

The zen of writing, 

I’ve heard it called.

What is that, I wonder?

As a writer I wish I could get more 

Of this zen stuff into my work.

I know it would improve my writing.

Which I admit needs improving.

But I’m not just a writer.

I’m a human being too,

Most of the time.

As a human being, 

I’m not so sure.

Do I need improving?

Sometimes I wish I could get more 

Of this zen stuff into my life.

But then I think; 

Aren’t I as good as the gods could make me?

Ha! Ha! That’s right! I am!

And I’ve got all the zen I need, too!

Right here… inside myself.

Of course, it’s everywhere,

This wonderful zen stuff.

All around and down and through everything.

Forever and ever.

All I have to do 

Is remember to use it.

That should bring some improvement.

(5)

My Zen and I Get Along Great

My zen and I get along great.

We’re real pals.

Not all the time though.

That would be impossible.

After all, even the best of friends 

Must disagree sometimes, yes?

But it’s no problem when we quarrel.

Life goes on.

Just not as well.

It’s when I’m without zen 

That I need it the most.

It’s like faith.

You need it the most 

When it’s the hardest to find.

Zen and Faith 

Share many traits.

They’re great pals.

(6)

I Get My Zen From Anywhere I Can Find It

I get my zen from anywhere I can find it.

Which is everywhere.

That’s the beauty of it!

Of zen there is an endless supply.

But it’s not as easy as you think.

Sometimes it’s very difficult.

Recognizing it when you hold it in your hand.

(7)

Zen and Big Cities

Seoul, Mexico City, Osaka, Manila, Mumbai, Harare, Jakarta, Lagos, Cairo, Buenos Aires, Karachi, Lima, Bogota, Kinshasa, Shanghai, Budapest, Hong Kong, Munich, 

Bangkok, Miami, Kuala Lumper, Paris,

New York, Madrid, Auckland, Johannesburg,

Sao Paulo, Sydney, Moscow, Rome, 

London, Tokyo, Helsinki, Rio de Janeiro…

These great cities are

Miracles of human endeavor!

Many more dot our planet.

Perhaps you are reading this

From a place within one right now.

One day these 

And the other great cities 

Will be gone.

They’ll be dust.

Not zen though.

Zen lasts forever.

But don’t worry.

So do you.

See you on the other side.

Animator’s Zen

There’s been a lot of talk this week about the closing of an attraction at Disney's Hollywood theme park called The Magic of Disney Animation. 

That got me to thinking.

May I share my thoughts in the form of a zen moment?

Animator’s Zen

Between 1976 and 2004 I made my living 

As a film animator.

1976 to 2004.

That’s (let me see) 28 years!

If my arithmetic is correct.

You'd better double-check those figures.

(I’m an artist, 

Not a mathematician.)

I animated by hand.

That is I drew each frame of film for a movie

(Up to twenty-four of them per second of screen time)

Using pencil and paper.

No computers.

Oh, the things my pencil brought to cartoon life!

Mice, ducks, elephants, rabbits, lions, aliens, humans,

Horses, bears, goats, gorillas, goannas, gargoyles. 

And other things that are harder to describe.

Of course,

Like us all I started at the bottom.

There’s a saying in the animation business,

“It ain’t easy!”

And boy, did I learn the truth of that statement.

But with perseverance and some good luck,

(And my zen don’t forget)

I eventually rose up a little within my profession.

After many years of hard work I became

An overnight success.

I was hired to draw

For Walt Disney Feature Animation.

The Big Time at last.

There I got to work 

(Or should I say play?) 

With some famous cartoon movie stars.

Stars I’d loved as a child, such as

Mickey Mouse.

Donald Duck.

Goofy.

Dumbo.

Pluto.

Winnie the Pooh.

And new stars I helped bring to life like

Roger Rabbit.

Beast.

Gaston.

Jafar.

Stitch.

Khan.

Koda.

And plenty more,

But they’re the ones that come easily to mind.

And let’s not forget 

All the wonderful people 

I met in the business,

Both artists and management,

Who showed me the possibilities of cinematic animation art,

While mentoring me to my own higher artistic attainment,

As well as showing me personal kindnesses uncountable.

I love you!

I’m so glad we shared some time

Creating those wonderful movies together,

On our journey through this life into infinity!

28 Years of animation.

Fifteen of them at Disney.

It didn’t seem that long.

It went by like a flash.

Like life.

It goes by a lot faster 

If we enjoy it.

And it’s over in a flash.

So smile and be happy!

That’s what life is for.

Don’t waste it being a sourpuss!

Remember there is an endless supply of zen in the universe!

Plenty for everybody!

With zen on your side,

You’ve got nothing to worry about.

And Mr Disney,

You who advised that 

Wishing upon a star 

Might make our dreams come true,

If you’re listening wherever you are,

Mr Disney,

Thank you for the opportunity 

For me 

To realize 

Mime.

I dedicate this zen moment 

To those 

Who worked for 

Walt Disney Feature Animation Florida

Between 1989 and 2004.

Your kindness is not forgotten

By a brash and reckless artist.

The cinematic moments you made 

Have lasted a generation’s lifetime.

Seven Rusty Zens, Two Wonderful Women.

Seven selections from the soon to be possibly forthcoming book, 

entitled either;

Rusty’s Zen Moments

or

The Zen of Ru Sty

1

My Sister’s Loving Zen 

(pg. 47)

It’s my sister’s birthday today.

Her birthday for this lifetime,

I should add,

Only somewhat tongue in cheek.

She was born on July 10,

In the 1950s sometime but a gentlemen never tells.

Nor does a brother.

Yes, today is her birthday.

I am glad she was born.

Glad she was born as my sister, too.

Although anyone would be glad to have a sister like her.

Her name is Pamela.

And she has mighty zen!

When I say sister I mean it literally,

By the way.

Because with zen all of us are sisters and brothers,

Whether we share mutual parentage or not.

Just wanted to make that clear.

She probably wouldn’t think her zen so strong,

My literal sister.

Too modest.

As well as modesty she has an abundance of other human niceties.

Making her easy to be around.

And to love.

Have you ever noticed how

If you love a relative,

You love them more than other people?

Anyway, about my sister.

She has many friends and loved ones.

And that says something about someone, 

Doesn’t it?

But more importantly, 

(To my way of thinking),

She has borne with good grace

Many things of a vicissitudinous nature

(Look it up, I had to)

That would have brought me to my metaphorical knees long ago,

Wailing and crying against the unfairness of life.

But why go on?

Sadly there is suffering in this world.

On that we can all agree.

Plenty of suffering for everybody.

Be that as it may,

My sister has found a way to endure things

With good grace.

And she has lived,

By her own definition,

A happy life.

And believing makes it so, yes?

Ha! Ha!

She has learned the big secret.

And what’s better,

She not only has learned it.

She lives it!

What is this secret?

I hear you ask.

It's Love.

Show your love in everything you do,

Or don’t bother to do it.

For if you bake your bread,

The bread of your life,

Without love,

It will be unpalatable.

That’s it.

Love.

Simple, huh?

As I said before,

My sister has mighty zen!

And plenty of it.

Happy birthday, Pammy!

I love you dearly.

And I’m glad that you were born,

Sometime in the 1950s,

As my sister.

2

Gather All the Zen You Can 

(pg. 8)

You never know about life.

It can all go smoothly.

Or it can go the other way.

Usually, it’s the other way.

That’s life!

Nobody ever said it would be fair, did they? 

It’s full of suffering.

Suffering both earned and unearned.

Better learn to get over it.

In the meantime it might help

To gather all the zen you can.

And try to be as kind as you are able.

Both to others,

And to yourself.

Give up the desiring of worldly things,

(Which only brings disappointment)

And exercise your body every day.

Oh, and it helps to become a vegetarian too.

But that’s not obligatory.

Sounds difficult, doesn’t it?

It’s even more difficult than it sounds.

That’s life again!

But about the zen.

And its gathering.

Don’t worry.

Take all you want.

There’s plenty for everyone. 

There is an endless supply of zen in the universe.

3

Television Zen 

(pg. 12)

I was watching TV last night.

It was a movie about prehistoric times.

Although, it being prehistoric, how would they know?

A woman with big breasts in a little costume was fighting a dinosaur.

She had plenty of zen!

And I’m not talking about her breasts.

(Although they had their share of zen too.)

No, her zen was in her bravery

As she fought the dinosaur.

And in her costume,

Which fought to contain her.

Just in the nick of time a muscleman in another tiny costume came along.

His zen was mighty.

His zen was the zen of valor.

He killed the dinosaur.

Then he was kissed by the TV woman with the big you-know-whats.

They crushed against his manly chest,

Straining to break free from the tiny costume,

While the dinosaur in the background writhed and bled.

Then as the music swelled 

Up came the words,

The End.

Hmmm.

I wonder where that dinosaur is now?

He had the most zen of all. 

4

Zen and the Dead Bird 

(pg. 4)

My zen and I encountered a dead bird in the garden today.

Not a sight one often sees.

I’m thankful for that.

It must have fallen from the sky.

As I buried the little bird I said to my zen, “His time was up.”

“Nonsense,” replied my zen.

“His time is just beginning.”

5

I Left My Zen on the Seat of the Bus 

(pg. 6)

I left my zen on the bus the other day.

I was distracted by the world and wasn't paying attention.

And I left my zen on the seat of the bus.

Next to my umbrella which I also in my distraction left behind.

I got home before I realized.

(It had stopped raining by then.)

But that’s okay.

Don’t worry about my zen.

It’ll find its way home.

It always does.

The umbrella?

I don’t care about that.

I hope its new owner is well served by it.

Like I was.

I hope they’ll be very happy together, 

That umbrella and the person who found it.

Hmmm.

With thinking like that,

My zen must be home already.

6

I Delight in My Zen  

(pg. 7)

I delight in my zen.

Without it, where would I be?

It’s hard to imagine.

7

Saucy Boy’s Zen  

(pg. 13)

I have a friend with mighty zen.

Her name is Saucy Boy.

She is called that because she is saucy,

By the way,

Not because she is a boy.

Actually she is more than a friend.

It is to her that I dedicated this book of zen moments.

For I love her dearly.

She is one of the finest creatures 

I have ever encountered

In this lifetime.

Or any other.

And believe me,

My zen and I,

We’ve been around.

Anyway, like I said, 

My love Saucy Boy,

Her zen is mighty.

So I asked her about it.

Her zen is peaceful and brings contentment, she answered.

(Mine too, sometimes, I thought.)

Her zen is loving and patient, she said.

(My zen can also be those things. Occasionally.)

Her zen is caring and unselfish, she added.

(Hmmm. 

My zen is aware of these concepts,

And we intend to implement them very soon.)

As you can see,

Our zens are different,

Saucy Boy’s and mine.

Very different. 

Yet they are the same.

The same in one important way.

With zen,

Each of us is nourished and sustained.

That’s the beauty of it!

There’s plenty of zen!

An inexhaustible supply.

Of zen there is an endless amount in this universe. 

Plenty for everybody.

Of course,

There is only one 

Saucy Boy.

But that’s 

Plenty for me.

Go safely my love.