Showing posts with label ghosts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ghosts. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

A Ghost, a Girl, and Solid Gold False Teeth


That night in bed, Suzie and I shared a cigarette and talked. We often had long, rambling conversations in bed together. We’d always been able to speak our hearts, and listen to each other as best friends do. 
We knew… at such times dreams can be born. 
We were happy together. We’d been around the world together, had fun together, been tested together, could rely on each other. Suzie lived for the moment and adored life as it came, a true gypsy soul untethered and free. I was enjoying the present but, still without a job in animation in New York, brooding a little about the future. 
I listened while Suzie quietly talked of her mother in South Africa, whom she missed. She spoke of her brothers and sister and their life before her father went “crazy mean with his dopp,” meaning the booze, and she cried a little for things that were lost. Suzie didn’t often cry, but sometimes, after lovemaking, she was more emotional than usual. (Who isn't?) She naturally had a very loving heart and our act of love had set it astir.
After a long pause, she whispered, “I saw him again.”
“Who?”
“My father. He was sitting on the edge of our mattress.”
While we lived in the shared apartment on Seventh Avenue, we slept on a mattress on the floor. For privacy we had hung a row of curtains around. I sat up and looked down towards my feet. 
“When did you see him?” I asked. 
“Yesterday. Just after you left the apartment.”
“Oh? You sound okay. Is everything all right?” 
She had seen the ghost of her father before, in every place we had ever lived. Australia, Africa, New Zealand, and now New York. He was a well travelled ghost, this father of hers, I had to admit that. I had never seen him, but this did not stop me from believing wholeheartedly that Suzie had. He appeared at times when Suzie was by herself. She would walk into a room and he would already be there, sitting quietly with his hands in his lap. He wore a look of inner reproach on his haunted face, as his anguished eyes followed Suzie’s every move.  
He never spoke a word, just sat there on the end of the bed and stared with haunted eyes at his daughter. The way Suzie thought of it, her father was the one who was being haunted, not her.
“He was just checking up on me, to see how I was getting along in the big city,” said Suzie quietly. The little girl who used to be, wanted to believe in the protective father who never was. 
Laying next to me in the dim light, Suzie’s eyes glistened with tears, tears not for herself, but for her tortured father. She believed he suffered the fate of being an unhappy ghost because of the unhappiness he caused other people while he was living, with his violent alcoholic rages and especially the murderous intentions of his ghastly suicide. She blamed his ghostly troubles on his addiction to alcohol when he was alive and held her father, now that he was dead, virtually blameless, at least as far as his soul went, the thing of him that was his essence and that really mattered. 
Within Suzie’s small frame beat a giant’s forgiving heart.
“Had you seen him lately?” I asked. It had been a while since she had mentioned her father and I was curious. Suzie could be casual about things, and sometimes she failed to mention that, oh, by the way, I saw the ghost of my dead father again the other day. 
“No,” she said. “Not for ages.” She thought for a minute. “He’s never been to America before.”
“Did he try a pretzel while he was here?”
Suzie laughed quietly and her splendid white teeth showed. We both detested the twisty, salty things sold on every NYC street corner.
I pulled her to me and gently kissed her mouth. Her cheeks were damp with tears.   
“Goodnight, Suzie,” I whispered.
“Goodnight, dahling.”
She snuggled into me with her long arms folded on my chest. I held her close as she fell asleep. How innocent she looked when asleep. Like a child. 
My heart swelled with love for Suzie. 

Laying there, listening to Suzie breathe and looking up at he ceiling, I thought some thoughts to myself in the night.
So, Suzie had seen her father’s ghost sitting on the bed. Well, that had happened before and would probably happen again. So long as Suzie was okay about it, why should I worry? I stared up into the dark and allowed my mind to wander. Suzie. It was fun in the bathtub tonight. Even after twelve years together, I found her as exciting a lover as ever. It was always no holds barred! Life was fun at the apartment, with friends all around, but it would be good to have our own place, if we could ever afford it. At least I had a job working as a messenger, but it was hardly worth it. The work itself wasn’t too bad, the people I worked with were friendly and interesting, but the money was terrible. No matter how much I worked, there was never enough. It was grinding us down and making life tough. When would animation work come my way? Would it ever come my way? Somehow, I knew it would. It was just a matter of not giving up, of that I was convinced. It was just a matter of persistence. Of believing blindly and carrying on! 
That, and luck. Plain, old, dumb luck.
Well, I thought, I’d always been a lucky bastard. Ask anybody. As my father-in-law Mick used to say, “Rusty lad, if you fell into the toilet bowl headfirst, I swear you’d come up with a set of solid gold false teeth! Ahaw haw haw!”
I smiled to myself and closed my eyes.
Soon I was fast asleep.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Death in Aotearoa


Death in Aotearoa


I hope I die in New Zealand.

That would really be 
A stroke of good luck!

You see, among 
The many theories
About what happens to us
After we die,

The indigenous people 
Of New Zealand,
Called Maori,
Have one of the best.

New Zealand, in case 
You were wondering,
Is an island nation 
In the South Pacific Ocean.

To find it, locate Hawaii on your map,
Then go south, past Samoa and Fiji and Tonga,
Until you see what looks like 
An upside down boot.

That’s it, way down there.
New Zealand. 
It’s where I grew up.
That’s how I know where it is.

Its name in Maori 
Is Aotearoa,
Which means, 
“Land of the Long White Cloud.”

Anyway, 
About my hoping 
To be lucky enough
To die in New Zealand…

According to Maori legend,
Upon dying, 
The dead travel north, 
As ghostly spirits… 

To the northernmost tip of Aotearoa,
And from there leave the land,
And enter an ocean doorway…

That leads to the Hereafter.

Without exception,
From wherever they happened to have died,
Northward go 
The ghosts of Aotearoa.

As they journey over Aotearoa, 
Here and there these spirits
Pause and gaze back 
Over the way they have come. 

They see the beauty of the land and 
Think of their homes in this world.
They remember dear ones they must leave behind,
And quietly take up the death lament;

“Haere ra, e Hine!
I te pouriuri,
Te mate o te tangata,
Ko te tohu o te mate…
Haere ra!”

(“Farewell, beloved!”
The door of death has closed upon me.
I join the tribes who must 
Go forth to that dread borderland…
Never to return.
Farewell!”)

Then the spirits continue north, 
Over mountain and river…
Through forest and field…
In the shadow of ancient volcanoes…

Until the ultimate cape is reached. 
Cape Reinga! 
(The Leaping-Place.)
Sacred to the army of the dead.

Here, at land’s end, 
Upon a jagged cliff 
Grows a venerable
Pohutukawa tree.

Its blood-red blossoms are called 
Te Pua o te Reinga,
Which means, 
“The Flowers of Spirits’ Leap.” 

The giant branches of this ancient tree 
Stretch out over the restless ocean, 
While the exposed roots 
Search the cliff-face for a foothold.

By these boughs and roots 
The arrived spirits descend.
Then, one after another they drop
Into the restless waters below…

… where seaweed swirls 
Like ocean-monster’s hair…

And vanish into the depths!

Here they are met
By the mihi-tangata,
The wailing of the dead
Who greet the spirits’ arrival 
At Tatau-o-te-Po…

Gateway to the Hereafter.

Passing through this gateway
The spirits embark on one last journey…
Following the setting sun 
Northwest  to mythical Hawaiki,

Home of the ancestors.
Dwelling place of the gods!

Thus, goes the legend, 
Our souls depart Aotearoa,
Land of the Long White Cloud.

****

Standing at Cape Reinga today, 
You can hear the echo of the Mihi-tangata 
In the ocean’s ceaseless murmur… 
In the wail of the wind 
Across the nearby ridges and dunes… 
And in the mournful cry 
Of the seabirds overhead.

From the lighthouse,
Look to the west, 
Where massive sand dunes
Stand wrapped in mist and fog.

There! Can you see?
Vague shadows floating in the misty air?
An army of the dead,
Moving northward through the dunes.

Quietly chanting the death lament;

“Haere ra, e Hine!
I te pouriuri,
Te mate o te tangata,
Ko te tohu o te mate…
Haere ra!”



Tuesday, June 2, 2015

The Ghost of Rusty Pliers

(Part 2) 

   (You might remember in our last blog we were conversing in a French castle with the invisible ghost of Rusty Pliers whose manuscript we’d found, while the creepy English butler fetched some libations.)
  “The gin’s arrived,” said the ghost.
   The butler had left ten minutes ago. He hadn’t returned. Nothing had arrived.
  “Where?” demanded my wife. “I don’t see anything.” Saucy Boy was unafraid of the ghost from the beginning, which in turn gave me courage.
   Besides, he wasn’t a very scary ghost.
   A heartbeat later there came a knock at the door and the butler entered, pushing a trolley with bottles and glasses. He didn’t look quite so creepy now, I thought, but was a welcome sight pushing a trolly of refreshments into the room.
   “Ah!” said I with enthusiasm. “The drinks!”
   “Gin and tonic please,” said my wife.
   “Nothing for me, thanks,” intoned the ghost of Rusty Pliers. 
   After a pause he added,“I’m driving! Hahahahaa!” His terrible, unearthly laughter at the horrible old joke swirled up maliciously and echoed around the room.
   My tortured ears cursed the day they were born to hear that ancient jest uttered by a demon from the bowels of hell. My wife, on the other hand, smiled with amusement.
   "He has the same sense of humor you do," she whispered to me. "Unfunny."
   "I'm three times funnier than any old ghost!" I insisted under my breath. 
   “I see you still possess the same sense of humor, Mr. Rusty,” said the butler, completely unperturbed. He wore the faintest touch of a smile as he spoke. Now I could see that he wasn’t creepy at all, he was just very dry. He finished preparing the drinks, handing one to my wife, one to me.
   “Will that be all, sir?” he asked me. 
   “Yes, thank you,” I said.
   “Leave the trolley, please,” said my wife. “We’ll handle it from here.”
   “Goodnight,” we all said to the butler.
   "Goodnight," he said to us all, then he turned and left the room.
   "He wasn't so creepy after all," I said, meaning the butler.
   "He makes a very nice gin and tonic," said my wife. "I don't suppose he gets out much, living in a castle as he does."
   "He lingered over your underwear," said the ghost, "when he put your things away."
   "Oh he did, did he?" answered my wife, getting a bit riled.
   "She doesn't like people touching her underwear!" I laughed.
   "You!" she accused me. "Don't you ever think of anything else?"
   "Nope!" 
   "I was only kidding," said the ghost. "He didn't touch your things  I heard you speak of it earlier and thought it might help me to break the ice. Sometimes it's difficult to start a conversation with new people. Especially across the line between the living and the dead."
   "You don't seem so dead," said I. "For a ghost."  
   “So, let me ask you this,” said Saucy Boy, changing the subject. “You’re a ghost because no one ever read your book? Is that it?” She sipped her drink and smiled encouragingly.
   “That about sums it up,” replied the ghost. “I’ve been cursed.”
   “Poor ghost. What do you want us to do?” asked my wife. 
   “Re-eeeeead my boo-oook!” said the ghost in a funny, fake-scary way and we all laughed again.
   “Well. I’m not much of a reader…” began Saucy Boy.
   “Why don’t you read it to us?” I suggested.
   “Like books on tape!” added Saucy Boy, delighted with the idea. 
   “Okay,” said the ghost. “Why not?”
   “That’s the spirit!” said my wife.
   “Hey!” said the ghost.
   “Sorry,” said my wife.
   We settled back in our chairs and sipped our gins as we listened to the ghost read his bittersweet tale of a young boy growing up in a strange land. As I listened it occurred to me that the boy in the story grew up to become the ghost in the room. 
   The ghost never materialized, by the way, but remained only a voice. 
   A couple hours later he finished and asked, “Well, now you’ve heard it. What do you think?”
   “I think I’d like another drink,” I said, helping myself at the trolly.
   “Uh,” began Saucy Boy. “It’s long, isn’t it?”
   “I liked it,” I said, exaggerating a little. “Especially the part about the lunatic and the car blowing up.”
   “Yes, I like explosions,” answered the ghost. “I wish I’d put in a few more.” 
   “What do you want us to do now?” asked Saucy Boy. She yawned. It was late.
   “Get it published!” answered the ghost. “So I can be free of the curse! If just one person reads it and enjoys it, it’ll finally be R I P for the once proud and previously alive Rusty Pliers.”
   “Well, we can try,” I said.
   (I should explain that this was in 2005, over ten years ago. Since then I have edited, written, rewritten and even ghostwritten HOLD THE BEETROOT, the ghost’s story from the MS we found that night, but it remains unpublished still. No one wants it. 
   That is part of its curse. 
   But it is bigger than that.
   Part of the curse was passed on to me. The unpublished manuscript haunts me now. I’ve become obsessed with it and I’ve even assumed as my pen name the ghost’s name, Rusty Pliers, while trying to write something before I die that even one person will read and enjoy. The writer's curse! 
   The MS sits in my office. Unable to resist its cursed beckoning I return to it when I have a spare moment. 
   I’m currently on the 16th rewrite and still looking for a publisher.)
   “Well, we can try,” I said all those years ago, little knowing.
   “Sure,” said my wife sleepily. “Why not?”
   “Uh-oh,” said the ghost. “It’ll soon be daylight. I’ve got to be leaving now.”
   “You can only appear at night, huh?” I asked. “Like the ghost from Hamlet?”
   “Him!” responded the ghost. “What a drama queen! None of the other ghosts can stand him!”
   “Who else is up there with you?” I asked. “Or are you in the hotter place?”
   “As near as I can figure from where I am, there is no heaven or hell,” answered the ghost. “Except what we make for ourselves.”
   I pondered the ghost’s simple words.
   “Well, I’d better be going,” repeated the ghost. “It’s almost daylight.”
   “Then you cannot walk during the day?” I persisted.
   “It’s not that,” he answered. “Day or night makes no difference to a ghost. To a ghost what matters is the penance he must do! For to be a ghost is to be punished, make no mistake about that and I’m no exception. Alas! What matters to me now that I’m dead is the time I wasted while I was alive! And the horrible penance I must do! Currently I’m doomed to work for eternity in the Haunted Mansion at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida. You ever been to Orlando?”
   I was about to tell him sure I’d been to Orlando and that I used to work for Big Mouse too as an animator in the 1990s, but he was in a hurry and kept on talking.
   “Twenty-five thousand times a day I have to jump into a moving car and scare a tourist! I’d love to meet the guy who dreamed that one up! ’In perpetuity and throughout the universe’ too says my Disney contract, and brother, is my shift manager a son-of-a-bitch!”
   Ha! Ha! I thought. Life or death, a boss was still a boss. Then I laughed a little at myself, for my Disney contract had also said ‘in perpetuity and throughout the universe.’ 
   “I must go!” said the ghost. “I could get onto real trouble!”
   “How much trouble can you get into?” I asked. “You’re a ghost.”
   “Oh, you’d be surprised,” said the ghost, his voice growing fainter. “You’d be surprised.”
   No I wouldn’t be surprised I wanted to say, I worked there for fifteen years and I wouldn’t be surprised at all, but what was the point?
  “Goodbye,” said Saucy Boy. “Where will you go now, poor ghost?”
   “I’m off to Walt Disney World!” he announced as if he’d just won the 1976 World Series and was on his way, but faintly and drifting off.
   “Goodbye,” I said.
   “Adieu,” whispered the ghost. “Remember me.” 
   And he was gone.  


Friday, May 29, 2015

The Ghost of Rusty Pliers


(Part 1)

   “This is the room where he died, sir,” intoned the butler, who stood at the threshold showing us the way. “Take care! His ghost still walks!”
   We stepped into the somber room where we were to spend the night. The Count, whom we had met earlier, had kindly agreed to put us up in his castle for a nominal fee, once the unpleasantness about the damage to his moat had been settled.
   We were temporarily stranded without transportation and therefore had accepted his offer.
   We were without transportation because I had crashed our rented Peugeot into the river Rhone. I did this while narrowly avoiding a collision with an advancing oxcart. Yes, an oxcart. Not something you see everyday where I come from and I’d panicked a little and flew off into the river. I’ve never claimed to be much of a driver. No one was hurt and my wife thought it was very funny and coincidentally provided her with more evidence that I was a dunce. She liked those moments, of which I’d presented her many over the years. Then we’d somehow, after being pulled from the river, snapped our towline and along with the oxen and oxcart and a few French villagers who’d innocently come out and tried to assist, ended up in the Count’s moat, causing not a little damage to the moat itself and flattening the nearby shrubbery on either shore. 
   It was the oxen I blame for that. But they couldn't help it. They're just dumb beasts. They’d scrambled for footing as they were being sucked into the dark swirling waters with the innocent villagers. How where they to know the water in the moat was only three feet deep? Even the next day there was a terrible smell from the shit they sprayed everywhere in their panic to escape.
   The oxen I mean, not the villagers. Spraying shit. 
   I could go on, but why bother? 
   Stuff like that happened to me all the time when I travelled. The shit was always flying!
   “Will there be anything else, sir?” asked the butler as we passed into our room.
   “Uh, no. No thanks,” I stammered. I’d never addressed a butler before.
   “I’d like a gin and tonic, if it’s not too much trouble,” said my wife. She had never addressed a butler before either, as far as I knew, but she spoke now as if she'd spoken to one every day.
   “Yes mum,” he said. “Will there be anything else?” After hearing there would not, he turned and left the room.
   “Kinda creepy, wasn’t he?” said my wife, after he’d left. 
   “Yeah,” I responded. “Do you think it’s odd that a French Count would have an English butler?”
   “Not in this country,” answered Saucy Boy. Saucy Boy is a nickname I have for my wife. I call my wife that because she’s saucy, in case you were wondering, not because she’s a boy. “Listen,” she continued. “Any country that thinks Jerry Lewis is funny has got to be a little screwy!” She paused a moment, then added, “You think there’s really a ghost?”
   “There’s no such thing as ghosts, honey,” I lied. 
   Our luggage had preceded us. It had been opened and our things, those that had survived the crashes and the oxen and the river Rhone and the moat, had been put away.
   “Put away by whom?” said Saucy Boy as she inspected the closets.
   “I don’t know,” I answered. “Maybe the butler.”
   “I don’t like people touching my underwear,” said Saucy Boy.
   “That’s not what you said last night!” I laughed.
   “You!” she exclaimed. “Don’t you ever think of anything else?”
   “Nope.”
   “What’s that?” she said suddenly, looking behind me.
   “What’s what?” I said, turning to see.
   “That.” She pointed past me.
   There, peeking out from under the massive oak dresser that stood against the wall, was what looked like the corner of a dusty old telephone book. It appeared to have been there for years, yet seemed strangely out of place.
   I went over and picked it up. I blew off the dust. It was a manuscript.
   “Hold the Beetroot,” I read aloud. “By Rusty Pliers.”
   “Nice name,” said my wife. “I’ll bet he’s a fun date. Funny title, too. Wonder what it’s about?”
   I hefted it. “It’s about two kilos, I’d guess.”
   “Smart-ass!” laughed my wife. “You don’t suppose it’s really about beetroot, do you?”
   I shrugged my shoulders. “How would I know?” I answered.
   “Reeeeead it,“ came a deep, quavering voice, seemingly from within the stony castle walls. 
   “What’d you say?” asked Saucy Boy.
   “I didn’t say nothing,” I replied, my grammar failing me in my terror.
   “Reeeeeeead it!” commanded the voice.
   “Cut the clowning, will ya?“ ordered my wife. “I’m tired and I think an ox stepped on my foot.” She leaned down and rubbed her foot.
  “Reeeeeeead it!” commanded the voice again. “It’s nooooot about beeeeetrooooot!”
   My wife and I stared at each other. Neither of us had spoken.
   "Reeeeeaaad the boooook," said the voice.
   “Who are you?” asked my wife as she looked around the room. “Show yourself!” 
   That Saucy Boy, I thought with admiration, she is afraid of nothing!
   “I am the ghost of Rusty Pliers,” intoned the voice. “The author of the book you have found. Reeeead the book!” he commanded again. “Forget the beetroooot!”
   “If it’s not about beetroot, then why did you name it that?” asked Saucy Boy.
   “Ooooh-oooooh!” the ghost wailed in tormented anguish. “Everyone asks me that! If only I’d changed the stupid title before I died! Oooooh, woe is me!”
   His anguished wailing rent my heart and I felt pity for the poor ghost.
  “Why must we read it?” asked Saucy Boy. “What’s so important about your book?” 
   “Alas!” said the ghost. “I suffer the curse of the unpublished writer. My soul clamors to be heard! Unless one person can be found who has actually read my book and enjoyed it, I am doomed to forever walk the earth as a deathless spirit. It’s my punishment for wasting my life trying to creatively express myself for the enjoyment of others.” 
   “A curse?” I asked. “You’re being punished then? By whom?”
   “Yes, a curse!” responded the ghost. “I’m being made to suffer for my sins. Aa all artists must suffer! Some of us more than others!”
   “Make yourself visible, if you can,” said Saucy Boy. “Or are you too hideous?”
   “I’m not hideous,” said the ghost defensively. “I’m a ghost!”

   To be continued…