Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Letter to Santa Pt 4

So I went to New York, Santa, to became an artist.
My world enlarged and opened up.
For an artist must first of all be an observer of life!
Christmas in the city was fun with all the lights and music and shoppers.
But I still didn’t believe in you.
Besides, which one would I believe in? 
You were on every corner!
I suppose most boys and girls outgrow Santa Claus for a portion of their lives… but most of us come back, don’t we, Santa?
Many Christmases came and went.
I worked hard in the city and did well, as they say.
For years I was a carefree bachelor.
Because I didn’t want to fall in love.
I was afraid to.
Then one Christmas I met a girl at the office party.
She was kind and had a great sense of humor. 
She also had nice legs.
I couldn’t help myself. I fell in love and guess what? 
She fell in love too.
We fell in love with each other.
That was my lucky year because guess what again?
She was the boss’s daughter.
We got married and travelled the world on our honeymoon. 
At Daddy’s expense.
Her father said take your time my son and enjoy, then come back and be a better artist than ever.
He loved his daughter very much.
It was easy to see why.
We saw in our travels that the world was a beautiful place, but not always a fair one.
And I filled my artist’s eye with the wonders of the world.
Boy! I must have drawn Barbara at least a million times while we were on our honeymoon! Posing on a rumpled hotel bed, her shapely limbs silhouetted against the sheets, her smile natural yet alluring…
That’s the name of my wife. Barbara. She’s on your Nice list for sure.
She was way more fun to draw than a salamander or a horse!
Back in New York, I worked hard at my art and my marriage and my friendships, and life flowed along nicely.
The love Barbara and I shared for each other deepened and matured.
I put out a successful book of Barbara drawings.
You might remember delivering a bunch of them because it sold like hotcakes that Christmas.
Barbara was a bit embarrassed, most of them being nude studies.
But I thought they were pretty good drawings, and nothing to be embarrassed about.
So Barbara talked to my aunt Sissy on the phone about it. Aunt Sissy said the right thing again and we all felt better about publishing nude drawings of Barbara in coffee-table art books.
Art for art’s sake, I always say.
Then came a second volume of Barbara studies, called The Honeymoon Series. 
After that Barbara told me to find another subject.
So today I draw rare axolotls for museums and zoos around the world.
I still draw Barbara too, but I don’t publish those drawings.
Barbara and I had children and taught them to face life with bravery, honesty, and humor.
To treat it all as a bit of a joke and enjoy a good laugh.
As parents we taught our children all kinds of things.
And sometimes they taught us.
When he was sixteen I taught our eldest boy to make the occasional gin and tonic for my wife and I. 
We figured he could start to learn about alcohol that way.
Like I learned from my stepmother, only different.
Because children, as you know Santa, learn all the time from everything they see and hear.
He was very proud of his status as our personal bartender and Danny loved to please.
That’s our eldest son’s name. Danny.
Look for him towards the top of your Nice list.
“Lime or lemon in your G&Ts?” he used to ask.
“Doesn’t matter, son,” I answered. “Either one will be fine.”
“Dad,” he said one day as he handed me a drink, “I think I’m gay.”
“Really?” I said. We talked about it awhile. I never told my children about Boris or the art teacher, not because I was ashamed because I wasn’t, but because I didn’t want to make a big deal about it or change the natural course of my children’s own sexuality with the knowledge of it. Sometimes too much knowledge can be a bad thing to a young heart, like when I overheard aunt Tootsie and the milkman call my father a drunkard that day in the kitchen, so I didn’t tell my son about Boris or the art teacher then either. 
Instead I said, “Doesn’t matter son. Either way is fine. Just remember to respect yourself and when in love… always follow your heart.”
“Thanks, Dad,” said my son Danny and we hugged and something beautiful fell into place.

Well! I really got it off my chest, didn’t I Santa?
Rusty’s life story.
(You’d be surprised how much I left out!)
But I wanted to get in touch again.
And wasn’t sure if that was the real you on Facebook or not.
It looked like you, but I couldn’t be sure.
So I decided to write you a letter.
Didn’t know it would be such a long letter. 
Sorry, but you being Santa, I figure you’ll forgive me.
You wonder why I write, after all these years?
I’ll tell you. 
Because I have grandchildren now.
And they want to believe in Santa Claus.
And funny, but what they want, I want.
Because their laughter means the world to me!
We have an axolotl too, named Shakespeare.
But I don’t think he believes in anything.
I hope Santa you continue to share your gift of generosity and good cheer among people the world over. All the world’s people, please, whoever they are, because if one of us is hurting, all of us are hurting. 
That’s what you teach us, isn’t it?
That it’s better to give than to receive?
That we’re all human beings together, sharing our journey through the natural world towards eternity. That we should try to love and understand each other.
Yes even Boris and my cruel stepmother.
Whose spiritual pain must have been immense.
They’re gone now. Crossed off your Naughty list years and years ago. Dead in a car crash on La Brea down by the In-N-Out Burger. My father was behind the wheel. The car they were in was struck and exploded in flames.
Ironically hit by a drunk driver.
On Christmas Eve.
Life’s funny, isn’t it Santa?
Well, that about brings us full circle.
Say hi to Mrs Claus and the elves for me.
And please remember; 
I’ve been a good boy again this year.

Sincerely,
Rusty

PS. If you’d care to prove your existence by slipping a new iPad under the tree… I’ll leave out some milk and cookies.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

The Zen of Charles Chaplin

In the last scene of the Chaplin cinema masterpiece
The Great Dictator,
(Released in 1940 before the United States' entry into WWII)
The hero, a simple barber who is mistaken for a European fascist dictator,
Is led to the podium to speak to his adoring nation.

He is introduced as the next World Emperor!

His background audience of bootlickers 
And Nazi-style military men lean in,
Eagerly expecting to hear 
The usual bigoted warmongering nonsense.

We the audience know 
That he is not Hynkel, the fascist dictator,
But is in fact a Jewish peasant barber
Who happens to resemble the so-called great dictator.

Zen and circumstance have put the barber where he is.

Onscreen we see, 
Through Chaplin’s masterful acting,
The barber experience a zen moment. 
(And so, even decades later as I write this,
We who view it are able
To experience a zen moment.)
You can see enlightenment 
Come to the barber as he thinks;
Eons of karma, 
Trillions of years of human DNA,
The entire universe
Rushing outward into infinity!
Everything that ever was
Or ever will be,
All that has ever gone before…
Has led to this moment!

He is at one with the moment.
(Both as participant and as observer,
As we should endeavor to be.)
He knows it is time.

Time to speak truth to the mighty!
And attempt to inform
The uninformed
(Without being a jerk about it).
To offer hope to the doubting and downtrodden,
And to speak out against tyranny and evil,
By speaking to the human goodness 
Within us all.

An almost unimaginable opportunity for zen!

Standing in front of the microphones,
He is nervous but determined.

This is what he speaks.
(The Great Dictator © Roy Export SAS. All rights reserved. Used with permission.)

I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be an emperor. That’s not my business. I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone - if possible - Jew, Gentile - black man - white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other’s happiness - not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone. And the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way.
Greed has poisoned men’s souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical. Our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost…. The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men - cries out for universal brotherhood - for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world - millions of despairing men, women, and little children - victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.
To those who can hear me, I say - do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed - the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish. .....
Soldiers! don’t give yourselves to brutes - men who despise you - enslave you - who regiment your lives - tell you what to do - what to think and what to feel! Who drill you - diet you - treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men - machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! You don’t hate! Only the unloved hate - the unloved and the unnatural! Soldiers! Don’t fight for slavery! Fight for liberty!
In the 17th Chapter of St Luke it is written: “the Kingdom of God is within man” - not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people have the power - the power to create machines. The power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure.
Then - in the name of democracy - let us use that power - let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world - a decent world that will give men a chance to work - that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfil that promise. They never will!
Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people! Now let us fight to fulfil that promise! Let us fight to free the world - to do away with national barriers - to do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness. Soldiers! in the name of democracy, let us all unite!

Charles Chaplin was an artistic genius!
On that we can all agree.
He changed cinema forever
With his inventive storytelling
And appealing characterizations.
He was world famous in the 1920s
In a way that is impossible to conceive of today.
His beloved character,
Known simply as The Little Tramp,
Did not utter a single word onscreen,
Yet enchanted millions upon millions of moviegoers.

Ah, but when he finally did speak
It was a whopper!
Wasn’t it?

Thank you Charlie!
I couldn’t begin to count
All the laughs, 
The thrills and spills and pathos,
As good as the best Greek tragedy
Or Shakespearian comedy,
That you so gracefully handed,
Possibly while wearing roller-skates
And twirling a cane,
Me and my zen.

And thank you Charlie,
For that incredible speech!

I hope to meet you,
Cosmically speaking,
Very soon.


If you'd care to see it, here is a link.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Goodbye Again


Part 3

   (It may help to remember that I was an eighteen-year-old married man working for the Ministry of Works (M.O.W.) at road construction in New Zealand when this story takes place. 
   It is 1970. A gray wintery day at the depot where we'd gathered for morning smoko.
   I’d been called to the phone and made a joke about it with my workmates.
   It was no joke, though. It was my sister on the telephone.
   That morning, Mom had collapsed and been rushed to hospital, could I please come right away.)

   My mother had had a stroke. 
   It was a few days before they let me see her and when I did, it was a shock. Her hair had turned white. Her unseeing eyes stared straight ahead. She chewed her tongue constantly and didn’t speak or smile, didn’t change her expression. 
   She didn’t even know I was there. 
   It was a bad stroke they said, triggering an aneurism that destroyed most of her brain. We think, we’re not sure because there’s no response but we know she’s blind as well as paralyzed blah blah blah because I couldn’t hear what they were saying to me by then, nor barely see through my tears, all I knew was that my mother wasn’t there anymore.
  (She survived for six months in this condition, driving my father nearly insane from grief and lack of sleep, until she departed this world peacefully one night while Dad held her hand and cried. She was thirty-six-years-old.)
   Her illness meant the end of my time at the M.O.W., for within a month of Mom going into hospital, Dad asked me to come help him at his little animation studio so that he could have more time to attend to Mom. He went to the hospital every day and back again every night.
   There was another reason that he asked me to work for him. 
   Mom had made him promise.
   "She wanted to get you out of the ditches," Dad said to me. “She wanted you to be an artist.” Unknown to me, they’d spoken of it only a few months before she had her stroke. (A mother’s intuition? Did she know she wasn’t long for this world?) My mother was worried about me becoming too rough and tumble working where I did, where the men were men with plenty of cursing and smoking and drinking and such, and she made Dad promise that if I showed ability and desire, he should help me get started as an artist.
   “With her being sick, I thought she’d like to know that we’ve begun,” said my father. Dad referred to mom as being sick, as if she merely had a cold or the flu, and wasn’t laying in a hospital bed paralyzed with half her brain destroyed. It was his way of dealing with it. He reached up (I was taller than he, had been since I was fourteen), and placed the palm of his hand against my cheek, studying my face with his soft, Texas sagebrush eyes. His eyes weren’t blue as they used to be, they were red as they’d become lately, for it’s impossible to look after two teenage children at home (my younger sister and brother) and animate films singlehandedly while visiting your dying wife twice a day, without getting a little red-eyed. 
   He said softly, “She was thinking of you, son. She loved you dearly.” 
   I think when my father said that something fundamentally changed between us. Like it was okay for him to love me, and me to love him, with the dying woman we both loved showing us the way. It wasn’t easy, for my dad and I had somehow got off on the wrong track since coming to New Zealand. We were always at loggerheads. We never seemed to agree about anything.
   Now we stood together pondering a dying wife’s last request, a mother’s hope for her son. 
   And with this pondering came understanding. 
   Of course, every father and son that ever was or ever will be, if they’re lucky enough reach such a moment together and come to terms with who they are, but I believe with all my heart that my mother reached out with love from beyond her deathly illness to help cure the illness between my father and myself, and, incidentally, set me upon my course as an animator.
   Love is that powerful.