Television Really Pisses My Zen Off

Is there zen in television?

If you’ve been listening to me then you’ve heard me say it;

Zen is everywhere.

So it follows that it must reside in TV also.

But I understand your reason for asking.

Especially with all the crap that’s on TV these days.

Six hundred channels of what?

Electronic babel of the lowest order.

Mindless drivel spewing out.

Interrupted every four minutes

With a word from our sponsor,

A soulless multinational corporation

Which would like you to buy its product.

A motorcar.

A pizza.

A toilet cleanser.

TV Reality shows?

I hope not.

For what kind of reality do they offer?

Greed and narcissism.

We’ve got plenty of that already.

Sit-coms?

Numbskull nonsense produced by sex-obsessed fools.

The loveless sex over which they drool drained of humanity,

Reduced to a giggle.

A giggle supplied by a sound effects machine.

Sports Events?

Where money is god!

Rigged or played by drugged-up cheaters and wife beaters

And their under or overinflated balls.

The Late Late Show?

The sentimental shadows of times past.

Technicolor fairy tales dripping with simpleminded morality,

Regurgitated for profit and sanctimoniously praised as art.

News broadcasts?

The reporters repeat each other’s dogma,

And smile their million-dollar smiles to cover the lies

That even they don’t believe.

While politicians bark insanely and sniff each other’s butts,

Energetically dry humping the world’s leg

Before laying down to sleep among the other wolves.

So-called Christian broadcasting?

Please!

The unctuous begging of oily con artists

Who wrap themselves in a mantle of false piety

To sell something they do not even possess.

Nature shows?

Hmmm.

Okay.

Maybe you’ve got me there.

I think nature shows might be the exception that proves the rule.

Especially when they remind me once more

How I am singlehandedly

Endangering the habitat of some poor creature.

And how I’m thoughtlessly destroying our planet

With every carbon-footprint step I take.

While the filmmakers in self-righteousness labor to capture it on video,

Explaining to me nature’s wonders

And reminding me of my shortcomings.

TV.

No other place gathers so many sanctimonious,

Moronic, self-righteous hypocrites!

You ask me if there is any zen in television?

The answer is this.

Of course there is zen in TV!

You bet there is!

Mighty zen and much of it!

Too much maybe.

TV is powerful stuff and very addictive.

Ask any toddler.

So I’m going to get rid of my TV

Before it drives me insane.

It’s going to hurt, this no more TV idea.

It’ll be like putting down my favorite dog.

Like Old Yeller.

Which ironically I first saw on TV.

So long, TV.

Goodbye old friend!

I cannot begin to count

All the hours we’ve spent together.

Farewell faithful companion.

Adieu.

In the meantime,

I’ll let you know how it’s going,

You who read this.

Living without television I mean.

I’ll let you know how it’s going

When I come round to your place from time to time

To raid the refrigerator,

And watch Monday Night Football.